


Water, worry

by kittybenzedrine



Series: Timelines [20]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Anxiety, F/M, Ocean, Repetition, loving relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 12:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12887976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittybenzedrine/pseuds/kittybenzedrine
Summary: Ren's biggest fear drowning. Drowning in saltwater is vastly different than drowning in freshwater, one hurts the whole time and the other eases you in. Either way, Leo sometimes makes Ren feel like she's drowning.Other times, he keeps her head up above._____All pieces of the Timelines series are standalones and can be read without context.





	Water, worry

Ren worries. She worries about so much, about her brother and the rest of his blooming, ever expanding family, about the children she gave up at birth, about Leo, about herself.

The first time her and Leo see the ocean together, she tells him her biggest fear is drowning. She's a warlord, with more scars than she can count and a hand that reaches for a knife at the slightest wrong sound. She's had blades to her neck, swords in her belly, but the water is what scares her most. There's so much of it, and she murmurs about how unsettling it is that it could just swallow her whole and that'd be it. She says it so easy, so open and honest with a man she barely knows.

With their bare feet in the sand, water lapping at their toes, she rambles about what she knows about drowning. About how in freshwater, it is easy. Once you get past the point of no return, things are gentle and kind, and you ease into the afterlife with a smile on your mouth. But with the ocean and all its salt, you suffer. The salt seeping into your lungs does something, something terrible. She isn't sure of the science, but she knows it is agony.

And she hopes she hasn't offended him. Vaguely, Ren knows of his religion and knows that he worships water. He always looks so at peace with it running through his hair, down his face and body. But he doesn't seem offended, just hums and leads her into the water up to their knees to watch the sun reflect off the horizon, their fingers tangled together.

Sometimes, Leo makes her feel like she's drowning.

Sometimes, he's the freshwater. With his hands holding her firm, body blanketing hers, she can't break the surface. Every push and pull of his waves squeezes more from her lungs. She tries to take in air, but he kisses her and empties the rest of the breath from her. The oxygen deprivation sets in. And then it's so easy to relax, to adjust to those last few moments with no air in her lungs. With the ocean of him filling her, she arches her back and lets go with a smile on her mouth.

Other times, he's the saltwater. Gone for months at a time, letting her be swallowed up by the endless depths of the sea of loneliness. He's the burn of the salt replacing oxygen when she lays with a man that isn't him, just to feel the touch of another human. How it hurts the whole time, the shame and anger and sadness of living with this, the scorn of her infidelity. The final ache of the betrayed look in his eyes when he knows.

On their first visit to the ocean together, he waits until the new moon to bring her outside. They will be leaving in a few days, and he has few chances left to do this. It is dark, and all the servants have left his home by the water, which is why she lets him pull her out of the door with both their bodies bare. The high tide laps at their feet, and she is hesitant to go in above her knees. But she trusts him, lets him pull her in deeper and deeper. The water level rises around her, up her thighs, past her bellybutton, almost to the tops of her breasts. It makes her panic, standing in the dark and surrounded by an endless inky abyss. 

He does not let her go under. When the push and pull of the tide forces the air from her lungs, he kisses her and breathes for her. The water laps higher with the waves, with the salt burning her scratches and cuts, and he soothes the ache with his hands so gentle on her skin. They've known each other for such little time, but she trusts him dearly already. His arms around her waist, their chests flush together, he feels like the first sweet gasp of air after being pulled above the surface.

She does not know how to explain any of it to him. It's impossible to explain, even after well over a hundred years together. How sometimes he feels like the bliss of freshwater, the agony of saltwater, and the relief of being held above the waves.

And Ren worries. She worries about her brother, knowing he may give up to the clutches of age and exhaustion and die soon. She worries about their family. The fact that she may have a claim to that land, but live among strangers that share her blood because she has lived so long that they no longer know her relation. She worries over the children she has given up, knowing not one of them were her husband's. But the risk of the poor life of a servant was the better choice, better than calling a man father when he was away when mother got pregnant. Better than living with him being cold to sweet things that would only want his love. She worries for Leo, scared that one day he might find something or someone who bests him and leaves her a widow. Or that he'll grow tired of her one day, which is more likely than she can bear to think of. And of course, she worries for herself, because her worries are as vast as the ocean, and just as likely to pull her down and end her.

She tosses and turns all night when she worries, and tonight is no different. He grows tired of it eventually, rolls over and puts an arm around her to keep her in place. It's uncomfortable, she wants to pull away and move, but he keeps her still. He pillows one arm under her head, pulls the blankets to their chests and drapes his other arm back over her waist. Leo keeps his chest against hers. She can feel the steady beat of his heart, the slow rhythm of his lungs emptying and filling.

Ren wants to disappear. She wants to pull the blankets up over her head and not come up, just let the swaths of fabric swallow her up like water and worries. But he keeps her in place, holds her above the surface. In the dim light of the waning moon coming through the windows, he opens his eyes. Just long enough to look at her, and then he closes them. 

He kisses her, slow and sweet, and it makes her breathless. His chest moves against hers, pushing with the motions of breathing in. She kisses him back, pulls in air though her nose. He keeps her above, kisses her so much more and lets her know she's been able to breathe all along.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> I have [my blog](http://iwillpooponthefloor.tumblr.com) on tumblr, if you'd like to check that out. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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